You're my disease

I see the rain fall outside my window
It reminds me of the tears I hold in so tightly inside
Life's not easy
I know that
But why can't I be happy with you?
You keep hurting me
I've gone through so much pain
Sometimes I wonder if you care
you may say you do
but i don't believe you
Cause all i can hear you say is sorry
It's like a broken record
repeating on and on in my head
How many times more do you want to apologize?
If you love me, make me happy
say sweet things
hold my hand
and avoid those tears lining up at the corner of my eyes
One day, you'll realize that I'm no longer there
cause I have died from a disease called YOU

There's a stranger in my life

I’ve been searching for that place

The place where I feel safe

I tried to feel it in your arms

I tried to see it in your eyes

But all you do is lie

I’ve had my comfort and ideal place to stay

But it’s like I’m losing my balance

I fall and I slip

No matter what I do

I will never be able to change you

All these promises you broke

All the lies you told

All those joints you lit

Sometimes I think I’m such a fool

I stay in a place where there is endless rain

Only blurry images are to be seen on my window pain

It seems like the sun has forgotten how to shine

So I’ll tell myself a lie

I tell myself that you love me and that everything will be all right

like a child

So many colors
So many beautiful flowers
so many delightful fruits
Like a child I wonder whether I am allowed to touch
So many temptations
So many desires
Like a child I look around me
to search for a permissive nod
But no one's there
I'm alone
I tried to touch a rose,
but my fingertip was caught by a thorn
I tried to eat a fruit,
but I couldn't enjoy the taste
I sit down and hug my knees
The ground is moist
The scent of earth and grass
I shut my senses down
I avoid all the temptations
I just stare at the ground
and weep

A beautiful dream

When I close my eyes and go to sleep I dream of my prince charming who will sweep me off my feet:

He is sensible and so incredible

And all my single friends are jealous

He says everything I need to hear and it's like

I couldn't ask for anything better

He opens up my door and I get into his car

And he says you look beautiful tonight

And I feel perfectly fine

He respects my space

And never makes me wait

And he calls exactly when he says he will

He's close to my mother

Talks business with my father

He's charming and endearing

And I'm comfortable

 (quoted from Taylor Swift’s The Way I Loved You)

He knows what’s important

How to balance his priorities

He never makes me mad

He cheers me up

A suitable future spouse

He understands, he’s smart and clever

And he stays away from bad decisions

He knows exactly what’s worth it and what’s not

He looks like a Hollywood star

But acts like he doesn’t know

He dresses well and neat

His voice is deep and raspy

Yet his eyes are clear and kind

His smile accentuate the cutest dimples

His attitude polite and humble

He knows how to talk to people

He speaks many languages

His knowledge is unbelievable

There are many things I learn from him

And I can only adore him and be amazed

He is romantic and generous

He takes me to fancy places I’ve never seen before

His taste is of high class

His teeth are as shiny as his car

His jokes are smart and simple

Yet he knows how to make me laugh until my stomach cramps

He respects my friends, he gets along with them

He spoils me, pampers me and makes me feel special

Oh, what a beautiful dream…

Running in pain

A beautiful field

Flowers so colorful so full of life

Yet I cry as I run barefoot on the wet grass

Running away from the pain

I trip and I stumble each and everytime

I slip, I fall

I watch my knees bleed

But I keep running

I see beautiful roses

But every rose has its thorns

An amusing view

Yet a painful touch

I run and run with no destination ahead of me

No, I’m not lost

If I never left the Garden of Eden

If I was not tempted to eat the poisonous apple

I’d have all the answers

But here I am running

Trying to ignore the pain

But the more I fall, the more wounds are caused

I close my eyes trying not to think about the scars

The marks that will never let me forget

That the past was real

I dare you to make a move; aim for change....

I took a chance on us

I thought I saw a light in you

But you confuse me with your attitude

It’s like your words don’t synchronize with what you feel

You say you love me? Well, do you?

You are the expert in ruining someone’s perfect day

But still I never thought to leave you

The way you treat me, is far from what a gentleman would do

Your free spirit, your carefree mind-set

You hurt me once, You hurt me twice

I’ve become immune to pain

Every time I look into those eyes

I try to find

The reason why

I loaded the gun

Gave you a choice

Pull the trigger

Or leave it be

If only I knew you’d shoot me

Too bad, you missed

The bullet brushed lightly over my heart

A small wound was there

Yeah, I’m not bulletproof after all

I tried to heal it

But it’s just too hard

I try to fill up the empty whole with your love

But why do I feel like it’s becoming scarce?

What more do I have to give?

How much more is there to do?

I’m a fool

Yet I still try for your love

I try to find the right words to say

So you don’t leave me

I try to catch up to you

But it’s seems like you’re running away

I’ve made my move

Maybe it’s time for you to make yours

Cause we’re asking one another to change

The truth is not always good

That is something you need to learn

We’ve been hiding away for too long

It’s time to show me what I deserve

Cause I don’t think this is what it’s supposed to be like

All these debates

When will we finally meet in the middle?

I don’t remember the last time I saw you smile

Maybe you think I’m doing too much

Yet it doesn’t matter what you do

I will always fall for you

All over again

Maybe it’s something I want to do

Cause a guy like you

Well, they don’t make them like that anymore

Out of all the billions of people walking on this earth

No one knows how to make me feel this way

I never had the intention to fall too deep

I almost crashed to the ground

When I begged you to save me

You’re no knight in a shining armor

With you I have to save myself from falling apart

I may have thought that I was stronger than this

But I failed, I lost the battle by far against my own emotions

You say, you hate to see me cry?

 But why have you never stopped me from shedding a tear?

You got me head over heels and heels over head

You're the sweetest
Yet you don't even try
it's you're nature
a heart of kindness and care
you don't even realize
I don't need you to tell me what I want to hear
Cause what you do for me
substitutes for everything I thought I could never have
What you do
shows me that words are no longer a standard

YOU

When I met you

I did not expect

To be where I am now

I never knew

That all this time

when love kept knocking at my door

so eager, so demanding

but i never bothered to unlock it

all this time i did not realize

now i know that all this time i've been waiting for you

I peeked through my window 

and saw you at my doorstep

a smile, so sincere, so real

yet no roses, no diamonds, no chocolate

but I never smelled a more seductive scent

My face never sparkled this way

And nothing ever tasted this sweet

I always dreamed of magic

of fairy tales

of my knight in his shining armor

But I guess, I was held back in childhood memory

Now I'm all grown up

Ready to face reality

Ready to experience

The good

The bad

The ugly

But as long as I am with you

I might not even have to complain

Every second I will enjoy

I have found you

The one, to whom i gave it all

you're worth the risk

every breath you take is every heartbeat i make

I might sound insane

but i can't help this feeling of mine

it's like drinking my first glass of wine

it's exciting, daring, and still not enough

and eventually makes you do the craziest things 

What's happening to me?

I've always tried to deny it
I've always tried to avoid it
But I lost my way
and you pointed it out
I have learned the hard way
to never let those feelings carry me to far
I have been trying to ignore those thoughts
but how am i gonna live if keep trying to hide away?
How many times more am i gonna let myself crash to the ground?
I just want you to catch me
Cause somehow in your arms I won't slip off
You hold me tight enough to believe that there is hope
I haven't smiled like this in a while
I never even picked up the phone to dial your number before
But why am i so eager to hear your voice?
And at times when you don't call
cognitive dissonances arise
If I reveal how I feel to you
Will you stay or will you go?

A little confession

I’ve been dreaming about you

You’ve occupied my thoughts and visited me in my sleep

But now, you’re reaching out

It seems like my dreams are about to come true

The little things you do

Matter so much

I’m getting closer to you and I’m not even in a rush

Everything falls so beautifully in to place

I can feel it everytime I see your face

Your smile keeps me coming for more

I can’t help it

I’m falling for you

Why?

when it comes to love
I'm a fool, a child
I've been fooled once
please don't let it happen twice
I've been locking myself away ever since
Whenever love comes to enter my life
I run away and hide
I deny those feelings deep inside
I turn my head and let time pass by
I have questioned whether love even exists
I never reach out to anyone as I keep my security
My distance, My comfort
I have convinced myself that loneliness is ordinary
Yet, why can't I keep my distance from you?

Artists are one of a kind.The way you show your love reminds me of brush strokes beautifully gliding over white canvas creating a masterpiece: You and Me...

Sometimes I wish there were no mirrors in this world
so I don't have to be reminded of how fat I am everytime I see my reflection

so sad

Sometimes I curl myself up on the bathroom floor
I cry my heart out
Because I don't see myself
I don't see it at all
All I see is imperfection
I hate being in this skin
Trapped inside this huge body
I see beautiful people all the time
It breaks my heart that I'm not one of them
Instead I cry on the bathroom floor wishing that I was......

i'm only fooling myself

I spend my days being curious

When there's nothing to figure out

Guys will never be gentlemen

I have always been well informed

Yet, I'm such a fool everytime

When I'm hoping for something new

the threat of an end haunts me

It makes me wonder if anything is worth a try

I wish you'd leave me with some kind of prove

That tells me that you're for real

I can't take anymore lies

I can't lose anymore games

My heart has finally found it's pieces

Yet little cracks remain

It can never return to its perfect shape

So please don't rip it apart

It takes too much time too heal

And time is running out

Wish I could press rewind

Or turn the hourglass around

I wanna go back to the start

And tell myself to slow down at the happy parts

And just press pause

back on the horse

As I step into the stirrup
Pulling myself up
To sit on your back
I sit up straight
Enjoying the rhythm of your pace
As u walk on the sand
A feeling so familiar
So comfortable, so alive
As you start to trot
It's like my body knows how to work
I move up and down
Feeling your hoofs brushing over the ground
So smooth, so tender
In our transition to canter
I hold my breath, wanting to stop this moment
And hold it in my memory like a photograph
Every stride you make is every breath I take
The obstacle in the center of the arena
We slowly approach
As I sit back, pressing my legs
Giving you impulsion
We move closer to the fence
I hear your breath
A sound of excitement
Your ears all straight up
We both have the same desire
You lift your front hoofs, bend them carefully above the pole
We fly
Three seconds pass
We land
I now know this feeling
I'm home

Under the blanket
Where it's safe and warm
Under the beautiful moonlight
It's like I don't wanna get out of bed
when my dreams are enhanced by your charm
I've never dreamed of youu before
Which is something I cannot ignore
Don't let go
Let the future get by
Keep it slow
Coz I've seen love die
Way too many times before
I don't wanna see it anymore
love blooms like a flower
All you need is the light and the water
To keep it alive
I'm here
My heart won't settle down
The little things you do
Awaken a certain fear
I'm not ready to spread my wings
And fly up to the sky so hight
Cause there are just so many things
Right down here, where I still fight
Fight for something I've lost
Coz I've sworn to myself never to mention love
If it doesn't exist
But I've been keeping to many comfortable distances
I need to feel safe again
when I am one step closer
Will you catch me if I fall?
Coz I've been jumping off from many cliffs
and in the free fall
I know I'm better of lying on the ground
Nothing was ever worth the risk
But now I just wanna fall
And land on a place so safe and warm
As coiling up under my blanket
In the beautiful moonlight
Where my dreams are enhanced by your charm

Escape to my fairytale

At times like these I shut myself out
I run away from reality
The world I've left behind,
is just too painful and full of lies
I bring myself to my only fantasy
The place I call my fairy tale
My prince awaits me
In his castle on a hill wearing his crown
Sitting proudly on his throne
in his shining armor
In my dream, nothing can hurt me
You take me away on your white horse
And lead me to the place where
Everything shines in gold
Where unicorns let their wings unfold
Where mermaids flip their fins in the deep aquamarine ocean
Where little fairies spread pixie dust and make my wishes come true
Where ugly ducklings turn to swans
Where slimy frogs transform through a simple smooch
into the ideal prince
Where you can sleep for a thousand years
And wake up to true love's first kiss
Where the night sky is decorated with diamonds
It shines bright over me
Being in love is all I ever want to be
Cause I am too blind to see
That the only reality
Is that you and I can never be
So don't wake me up from this dream
Don't let the clock turn to 12
Don't let me leave my crystal shoe
Don't let me eat the poisonous apple
Don't let me touch the sharp spindle
Don't let me fall in love with a hideous beast
Don't let me risk my life for a feast
Let me meet my peter pan
escape to neverland
And never return again
Let me drown in my own fantasy
leave me be, leave me be

Comfortable

You take me to places I haven’t seen before

You show me things I am unfamiliar with

What an adventure, you keep me coming for more

It’s all so new, but somehow the pieces all fit

It’s such a comfortable adaptation

It’s like creating an innovation

I feel so safe and warm

Even though you never really played your charm

Your calmness relaxes me

You’re unusual, strange, yet so appealing

It’s like I’m flying free

It’s like I’m learning a new song

For which I’m figuring out the melody to sing

It’s like nothing can go wrong

With you I am no one but me

I don’t have to pretend

Thanks for being my new best friend

Contrast of feelings

It's been a while

Time goes by so fast

Life seems beautiful

But I am still haunted by my past



I learned a lot

But it's all so brand new

I gave everything that I got

There's nothing else I can do



He knows how I feel

But I am unsure

It's all so clear

But at the same time so blur

Some people tell white lies, you tell black ones

The thorns of the rose you gave me

They still cause wounds in my palms

Now as the blood runs down my wrists

I scream out loud

The pain... it hurts

All the lies I hold,

They cause my broken heart to cry

Now never will my heart mend

You caused the wound, the scars remain forever

My time with you was cruel

Never again, never again I want to go back

Silent summer you drowned it with winter

As coldness surrounds me, as darkness falls over me

watch me bleed, watch me bleed

I hide in the corner

You pushed me to the death

Now I'll spread out my hate

With my last breath

It all leads back to you

I spend my nights feeling blue

I just can't think of what to do

Everything that I say or do reminds me of you

I thought I'd be fine, thought I'd be alright

But i'm dying, can't stand the fact that you're not by my side

I got no place to go, nowhere to hide

To hide my feelings away from you

instead i keep myself in the dark

I can't stand the light, coz once it's bright

Darkness comes back to attack

So I'd rather stay in here, where I do not have to fear

It's a wonder I didn't cry a tear

Why'd you have to go so far away?

My heart is still bleeding, please make it stop

The other wounds you have caused haven't healed

The scars remain forever to remind me of what's lost

Whatever I thought you were, you were not

My heart lied to me

It told me you were the one for me

That you should be the one I love

My soulmate

But it was all a lie and I believed it

I used to laugh at your jokes

I used to smile when I saw your face

I used to fall for your sweet words

But now it's all fading away

I'm sorry, I know it hurts

I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you needed

I'm sorry I lied when I said "I love you"

The truth is, the idea of you is great

But really being with you is just ruining it

A desperate hope for change

Where do we go?

How do we know what awaits us?

Can I choose my own fate?

I've become so numb, I cannot feel

I don't know what's real

Everything is a lie

Everything is a myth

Everything is denied

I am lost in the dark

Trying to find the light

Nothing is true, nothing is real

Will my pain ever heal?

Give it back, give it back!

Why'd you steal?

steal my heart... Give it back!

I cannot feel... cannot feel

So numb, so empty

Silence is all I can hear

it's the perfect fear

I am scared of returning to a feeling I once felt

I smile, I laugh on the outside

I cry, I scream on the inside

The words coming out of my mouth

Are not the words coming from my heart

From my very soul

My heart is no longer whole...

Alone

It's much too quiet in here

I wake up to and find a house so empty

No sign of breath

I eat breakfast alone

I eat lunch by myself

I don't even bother to have dinner

I stare at the telephone

It never rings

I don't like to admit this....

I am lonely

it's all because of you

So many boys have been knocking on my door, I don't let them in coz I'm scared, yea I'm so scared.

It was so easy for me to fall for you
you played your charm on me
You lead me on, and left me shiverin in the cold and ugly darkness

And now because of you I lost my sense of trust
It's hard to believe the words that seem to compliment you when you fear that those words are just decorative material to enhance an atmosphere

Because those words may lift you up
Until you're dreaming in the clouds
Until you live in a fairytale that no one can keep up with

And right there, when you are floating dreamily on those clouds
He pushes you to the ground
And when your bones are broken
Time can only heal all the damage

world of chances

The poem "you're missing out on me" is about a guy that I liked very much..however he just wouldn't see, he just doesn't seem to be able or willing to open up to me..anyway I found this song by Demi Lovato and it's called "World of Chances". It really describes the situation. Well, here it goes:


You've got a face for a smile, you know
A shame you waste it
When you're breaking me slowly but Ive


Got a world of chances, for you
I've got a world of chances, for you
I've got a world of chances
Chances that you're burning through.


I've got a paper and pen
I go to write a goodbye
And thats when I know I've


Got a world of chances, for you
I've got a world of chances, for you
I've got a world of chances
Chances that you're burning through


Ohhhhhh I'm going my own way
My faith has lost its strength again
And Ohhhhhh It's been too hard to say
We're falling off the edge again


We're at the end
We're at the end


Maybe you'll call me someday
Hear the operator say the numbers no good
And that she had


A world of chances, for you
She had a world of chances, for you
She had a world of chances
Chances you were burning through
Chances you were burning through
Chances you were burning through Ohhh


You've got a face for a smile, you know

You're missing out on me

You......

You are indescribable

in an amazing way

You had me at hello

It's killing me that I can't get through to you

It's this wall that you built

I can't break it down

Why are you acting so cold?

You gave me a ride home

My heart was racing as we pulled over

Too many impossible expectations running through my head

and all I got was a handshake

You didn't even ask for my number

So I guess this is it

I'm gonna say goodbye

By letting you go I'm loving myself

I've put too many chances on the table

All of them are untouched

Maybe someday you'll change your mind and call me

Find my number somehow

and think to yourself

this girl had everything for you

But you missed out on her

Now she has nothing for you

You drive me insane

Too many times

Too many times

I have written your name on paper

Each and every line of my diary

Has your initials written all the way through

Sometimes I wish I could tear it apart

Just like you did to my heart

The blood dropping from my trembling fingers as I write

Is a broken heart's melody

I wish I could crumble up this tragic chapter of my life

Cause it needs to be forgotten

The uncertainty you are giving me

Has woken up my insanity

I'm going crazy because of you

Save me

I'm giving up

I can't hold on any longer

I lost my grip

My fingers just slipped

I fall...

I'm falling from the clouds I've been dreaming in

Will you catch me?

Don't let me crash to the ground

I've been hurt too many times before

Though my wounds are healed

The scars are still there to haunt me

You, you could heal them and ease my pain

Ease all the pain I had to carry with me all along

My hands are shaking, I don't know why

Your presence wakes up anxiety

You're not making things easy for me

You've got me crawling on the floor finding my way to get to you

It's so hard for me not to say that I love you so much

I want to be with you

If only I knew how to keep you here to stay...

I don't want you to ever leave

I'm terrified of the thought of being alone

Alone, without you

So please, tell me what to do to make you say

"I love you too"

I love you

It's brand new

A feeling I never knew was true

A feeling I never believe existed

And now I'm feeling it

And I just can't get enough


You have changed me completely

You have taught me how to love sincerely

I could never imagine my life without you

And it's all so beautiful

Because you feel the same way too


It used to be hard for me to say

"I love you"

Now it seems like there's nothing else I wanna say

If only I had one wish in life

I'd wish for us to forever stay this way

Miss Independent

The time we spent

The things we said

Do you even remember?

I thought it was real

I thought it was true

But you're just another one of them

You caused another wound in my heart

And watched it bleed

Am I too foolish? Too stupid to understand?

You're all the same

You embrace me with your lies

You leave me feeling empty and lonely

I need to move on

I need to prove that I can make it on my own

I don't need you to complete me

I complete myself

Forever my fantasy

Now that you're gone

I no longer live

Every body part has been shot to death

Only my heart is left

It's crying, It's screaming

When I told you to leave I didn't mean it

Never knew you'd be the one I cannot live without

Late at night, I look by my side

I see you lying there

I close my eyes and open them again

And find you gone

Never again will I see you

The ghost of you is all that is left for me

What's the use of that when I can't touch you

Can't feel you?

I have no choice, you will remain forever my fantasy

You can't fool me

Liar, Liar

You think I don't know

But I am well Informed

I may have fallen for you

But I saved myself from falling too deep

Crush

I can't hold it any longer

I gotta make that move

I just gotta find a way to get to you

Too many days, too many nights have passed

and still you've  got no clue

you may know how I feel about you

But you have no idea what I'm going through

I wish I could say it in your face

Right here, right now

But just the presence of you makes me anxious

I lose control

I can't think, I can't sleep, I can't eat

All I can do is dream about your face

And wonder what it's like to be locked in your sweet embrace

You're the one that helps the sun rise to brighten my day

Each and every morning

You're the one that makes me want to sing

Sing the song of love; of how I feel

I really think we could be real

If only you'd give me a chance

To show you how much my heart's got to give

I can't imagine a world without you

I don't know...I just wouldn't be able to live

I seek you, my man

I'm tired of not being able to please my heart

Everything i do puts me right where I was at the start

Confused and alone in the dark

I waited all my life for my prince to come

But life's not a fairy tale

No it's not

How many frogs have I kissed?

How many are there left to feel my luscious lips

Coz all my hope slips

so tenderly from my fingertips

I try and try to find the man

the man who loves me

when I'm a mess

when I'm fat

when I yell

when I'm beautiful

when I'm perfect

I need a man who understands

I need a man who provides

Am i describing a dream?

I have forgotten what reality feels like

I am so caught up in my wishes of an ideal mate

Will I ever find him?

Coz my hope is soon gone

I just want to find him before it's too late

take me as i am

You analyze every word I say

You critizise everything I do

If I'm not good enough, then why are u still here?

Who are you to tell me what to do

I want to walk away

Somehow I can't

If you really want me,then convince me to stay

Compliment me, say sweet things to me

Cause either way u found your way into my pants

But hey, I respect myself and I'm glad I stopped you

Before I could regret the worst

So, take me as I am

Or don't take me at all

regret?

Your moves are rapid

I can't compete

You run your hands across my body

So fast I cannot keep up

You unhook my bra with a professional twist

The next thing I know

Regret is there to haunt me

He's no ordinary boy

My friend called me just to say

That she’s dating this guy

This guy I’ve been in love with

My whole life

He’s no ordinary boy

She asks me who I’m with

I tell her I’ve been alone for a while

She wonders

I explain

My wounds are not yet healed; the crime of a boy

She guessed the boy was HIM

I wonder if he told her

I knew she was just trying to fish it out

Turns out he didn’t tell

Turns out the rumors between him and me in the past never faded

Now she’s wondering about him

The same way I did

I told her he’s no ordinary boy

His unique way of thinking; his direct way of speaking

His sudden way of disappearing

I wonder who can endure it

Many girls have become victims

I won’t let this happen to my friend

No, I won’t

A Dream Of Mine

You walked into my life

With such grace, such beauty

I’ve been hypnotized from the moment I saw those eyes

I’ve been paralyzed when I saw that smile

But how can I tell you how I feel?

I know that you and I can never be real

It’s just a dream of mine

That will never come true

And even if it does, it will be to soon to wake up

To a reality so painful and blue

Love happens in mysterious ways and all I can do is give up.

I want to know everything about you

I want to see what’s underneath those fabulous clothes

You amaze me, with the way you move

You fascinate me with your gorgeous laugh

But how can I tell you how I feel?

I know that you and I can never be real

It’s just a dream of mine

That will never come true

And even if it does, it will be to soon to wake up

To a reality so painful and blue

Love happens in mysterious ways and all I can do is give up.

In a rush

An accidental meeting

A direct chemistry

Phone calls and chats

It's only been three days

Is it too soon to say, I'm falling for you?